'I'm fed up of swiping': Why singles now want to meet IRL
The BBC hears from people who think dating events are better value for money than dating apps.
‘I’m fed up of swiping’: Why singles now want to meet IRL
Olivia says she decided to go to this dating event because she has “app fatigue”.
Arriving at a dating event in a bar in Guildford, Olivia Miller-Davis is, quite understandably, nervous.
Even with a friend beside her, the awkwardness at the beginning of the evening does not disappear.
“It’s always nerve-wracking when you’re meeting new people,” the 28-year-old says, just before downloading an app that will pair her with other daters according to their star signs.
This is speed dating, 2026-style, and Olivia, like many of the people we speak to, is here because she is tired of “endlessly swiping” or, as some put it, “app fatigue”.
She says she dislikes assessing people with “really limited information and just a couple of pictures” because she does not feel she can “really fully commit” with so little to go on.
A recent study by online regulator Ofcom found that 11% of adults use dating sites, but it also suggests the amount of time spent on them is falling, from a high of almost four hours a month in 2023 to three hours last year.
Edward thinks apps are built so you never actually find “the one”.
Olivia’s first match of the night is Edward, and he too says recent dating trends leave him unimpressed.
“I’m fed up with apps,” he says.
“I mean, they’re designed so that you don’t find ‘the one’, because they want you to come back and use the app forever. They don’t want you to get married from the app.”
The event is run by Love at First Sign, a dating company that uses an app to match people on the basis of astrological compatibility, though most attendees are using it mainly as an icebreaker.
Lissy Cleminson, director of events, says the way people date is changing, and a major reason is more home working since Covid, which means people are no longer meeting in offices or on the commute.
“The little meet-cutes don’t happen so much when you’re at home with your shirt up top and your pyjamas down bottom,” she jokes.
As expected at a dating event, many of the singles told us they wanted that in-real-life, or IRL, experience.
There are plenty of #SingleTok and #Singlelife accounts on TikTok and Instagram that review dating events.
Candice Gallagher runs an account called @Candilicious and has recently attended 10 different dating events in 10 weeks.
She describes herself as an entrepreneur and says that, in business terms, dating events offer “much greater return on investment”.
The 40-year-old says online dating too often results in “chat graveyards” with very little conversation.
“At a dating event, everyone is single, everyone’s ready to mingle, and your chances of having a good conversation are much greater.”
Many people at the Guildford event agreed that dating events offer better value for money because “you get to meet a range of people” in person for roughly the same cost as one date arranged through an app.
These events usually cost about £15 to £30 and often include a drink plus an activity or icebreaking gimmick, in this case an app used throughout the night.
Olivia says money is a major factor in dating.
“I wasn’t working for a bit because I changed careers and because of that I put dating on hold.”
Olivia recalls thinking it “couldn’t be a priority” and feeling she had to wait until she was “earning enough” before dating again.
She is not alone in finding dating expensive.
More than a quarter of daters surveyed by Barclays said rising costs had changed the way they date.
And two recent studies suggest the monthly cost of dating — from apps to entertainment and clothes — can come to around £130.
Those behind apps are quick to say online still plays a major role in how people meet.
New research from Match Group, which owns Tinder and Hinge, suggests that among those who had ever been in a romantic relationship, about 21% of baby boomers surveyed met their most recent partner at a pub, bar or club.
Among Gen Z, the figure was just 4%.
The survey of 3,007 single people also suggests that, among those who had ever had a relationship, 20% met their most recent partner on a dating app and 20% met through friends.
Chine Mmegwa, head of strategy, corporate development and operations at Match Group, said Tinder has made changes to its service over the past year in an effort to win back younger daters.
Alongside helping users learn more about each other before dates through interactive music and astrology features, it has added “double date mode” for friends who want to date together.
She also said Tinder is doing more to encourage people to connect IRL. “They want to be in person. You’ve seen us launch events across the US and now the UK. We are bringing IRL experiences into the app.
“What we’re doing is putting IRL into our experience. And so we are bringing that gap to what they’re looking for in person, using the apps.”
In Guildford, Olivia says the evening was a success because she met some men she might want to go on a first date with.
When the BBC presses her on whether she thinks she met “the one”, she laughs and becomes understandably cautious.
“No, I’m not going to name anyone specific. But you’ll be invited to the wedding if there is one!”