'I don't even like them': How much should you give to office gift collections?

"I don't even like them": Navigating the Etiquette of Office Gift Collections

Office collections for colleagues are a long-standing tradition, yet they frequently spark uncomfortable questions. Whether you adore them, despise them, or barely know them, when a colleague has a birthday, wedding, or is leaving, a collection inevitably circulates to mark the occasion.

So, what's the appropriate amount to contribute? And if you're the one organizing the collection, how do you follow up without feeling like a loan shark or inadvertently exposing underlying team dynamics? The sensitive nature of office whip-rounds is such that every individual the BBC interviewed requested anonymity.

For those on a tight budget, the guideline is straightforward: only contribute for colleagues with whom you've directly collaborated. Lucy, a senior therapist in healthcare, states, "If we haven't worked together, my purse is staying shut." There's also a more candid, unspoken truth. "It also depends on if I like you," she admits. "One colleague's whole demeanor annoyed me, so when she moved roles, I wanted to celebrate with my own drink - not give her money."

Layla, a former music journalist, shares a similar approach, contributing only if she "really likes" the person. However, she often avoids office collections on principle, not due to personal dislike, as she finds them impersonal. "I'd rather buy my own gift for someone I care about. I hate having to be forced to contribute to a joint collection out of some rubbish sense of obligation," she explains.

The decision to contribute also raises the question of how much. Barker, who works in research and production at a large multinational company, has a decade of experience organizing and contributing to various collections. He notes that typically, the same half-dozen individuals contribute generously, regardless of the person or the event. According to an analysis of over 5,000 contributions by the website GiftRound, the average worker contributed £11.65 to a collection in the first three months of the year.

We asked workers in London how much they would give towards a colleague's leaving gift. Junior workers often face the greatest dilemma. Felicity, now in mid-career, recalls a distressing incident from her first job as a teenager. At 17, working in a car garage, she was suddenly presented with an envelope to contribute money for a retiring mechanic. The team was small and close-knit, so everyone was expected to give. "Not only did I not really know anyone at that stage, but I also had no money to give - I was still living at home and being paid hardly anything." She continues, "As it was after lunch, I'd used my notes. In a panic I threw in all the spare change I had left, basically a load of coppers." She adds, "I thought I'd got away with it until the person collecting shouted 'who on earth put in all this change'. Everyone laughed and I couldn't ever admit it was me." Today, Felicity typically gives between £5 and £10, but will increase it to £20 for a close work friend or long-time colleague.

Barker observes that it tends to be rank-and-file workers who contribute most frequently. "Surprisingly – to me – they're not some of the best paid people in the department," he explains. "Often those in senior positions don't give." It might seem stingy for those on higher wages not to contribute, but the reality from a leadership perspective can be quite different, as former senior civil service veteran Darren explains. In a leadership role managing over 200 people, many of whom were contractors, office collections were frequent due to high staff turnover.

Darren found the implicit expectation to contribute as a director became overwhelming. "Eventually I found I just couldn't keep up and would be spending hundreds, often on people I didn't know at all," he says. As a compromise, he decided to sign cards and only contribute money if he had direct contact with the individual. This prevented him from feeling disingenuous and giving resentfully. However, the card-not-cash compromise has become more challenging as collections increasingly move online, with contribution amounts often displayed alongside names by default.

Of course, these days, in addition to emails, there's always the ubiquitous work WhatsApp group. Healthcare worker Jeffrey says he's still unsettled by seeing staff donations toward the family of a deceased patient openly listed in the agency chat, including individual donation amounts.

Should you chase contributions – and keep track of who has given and who hasn't? Lucy believes so. "I send one email to those who haven't paid, making clear that those who have contributed are not included in the email. You'd be surprised how quickly people reply," she says. She then enlists a more junior colleague to send a final reminder on her behalf. "And yes, I keep a list on paper, too. I don't forget," she adds.

Barker disagrees with this approach. "I don't like to nag," he says. Instead, he prefers a single reminder to everyone that maintains team unity.

Thomas Roubert, professor of organisational psychology and leadership at Oxford University, offers the following advice:

* **Prioritize direct colleagues and close relationships:** It's generally socially acceptable to limit contributions to wider team members.

* **Do not chase people individually:** And do not chase them collectively more than once. Some individuals may be experiencing financial difficulties.

* **Include a card as an alternative:** It costs the contributor nothing and serves as a souvenir for the recipient.

* **The gift should be symbolic:** Choose a gift for its individual significance rather than its monetary value.