Parents who think "as long as I pay, it's enough" are mistaken: the topic of children's education and upbringing on "Nima dard?"

Parents who think "as long as I pay, it's fine" are mistaken: A conversation about children's education and upbringing on "Nima dard?"

Choosing the best private school for a child, hiring strong tutors, and spending large amounts of money on education does not always yield good results.

If a child has not developed skills such as independent study, enduring difficulties, not fearing mistakes, and finishing what they start, even expensive education may not bring the expected results.

The conversation detailed the mistakes parents make in modern education, over-reliance on private schools and tutors, the consequences of shielding children from difficulties, and experiences regarding what unites high-achieving children.

Jamshid Qayumov has worked in public schools, specialized schools, and private educational institutions. According to him, this experience has shown an interesting phenomenon in education: some students automatically value their paid tutor over their school teacher.

He recalls that when he worked at a specialized public school, he tried to deliver lessons with the same quality as tutoring sessions, but some students did not pay attention. When asked why, he heard the answer: "I have a tutor, I don't learn from you."

According to Qayumov, a misconception has formed in the child here that "what is paid for is valuable, and what is free is worthless."

"My personal opinion is that there is no brand in education. In education, there is knowledge, and there is devotion to knowledge," he says.

According to the specialist, parents also often chase brands, thinking that the name of a school or learning center guarantees their child's results. However, the results of children studying in the same institution can differ drastically.

The conversation also discussed parents' expectations of private schools.

In one of the private schools where Qayumov worked, a student asked the teacher for help without reading the problem's conditions. The teacher demanded that the student first read the text and explain in their own words what they understood. Dissatisfied with this, the student complained to the administration.

According to the teacher, some parents, after paying for a private school, want the child to complete all their tasks right there and return home without any responsibilities.

"To me, this is not a private school, it looks like a nanny regime, just like in kindergarten," he says.

As an individual preparing for adult life, a child must also experience difficulties. Having adults solve every problem for them can hinder the formation of independence and resilience.

The podcast hosts also noted that trying to eliminate every negative emotion of a child is not correct. Difficult lessons, unsolved problems, frustration, and making mistakes are all part of the learning process.

According to Qayumov, parents should not protect children from all difficulties, but rather teach them to distinguish between useful and harmful difficulties.

For example, doing age-appropriate household chores and receiving appreciation for it is useful labor. However, working for a living to the point where there is no time or energy left for lessons is harmful labor.

Mistakes are the same. If a child analyzes a mistake together with their parents after making it, this experience develops them. If they receive insults or shouting for a mistake, on the contrary, they may become afraid of making mistakes.

The attitude towards defeat is also important.

Qayumov recalls taking his son to a judo competition where he lost his first match 3-0. However, the father was more upset by the child's lack of fight against the opponent than by the result.

"Fine, lose, but lose fighting. I don't demand that you take first place. I want you to fight," he told his son.

In the next competition, the boy lost again—this time 2-1. But for Qayumov, this 2-1 was more valuable than the previous result.

The habit of constantly "rescuing" the child was mentioned as another mistake of modern parents during the conversation.

If a child cannot get along with a teacher, the parent intervenes. If a lesson is difficult, the tutor is changed. If they do not like the school, another school is sought. As a result, the problem itself never reaches the child, and they do not gain the experience of solving it.

According to Qayumov's observations, cases of students changing teachers as soon as a topic becomes difficult have increased in recent years. Some children, after reaching more complex topics in one learning center, move to another place and start the program all over again.

This can lead to a waste of a year's worth of time, money, and effort.

"Development always comes with pain," says the teacher.

In his opinion, one should not immediately change the school or teacher just because the child says "it is getting difficult." On the contrary, if the teacher is making the child work and demanding that they think, the parent should support the child in this process.

Qayumov also explained the situation in which a school should be changed.

Parents should not look only at the grades in the report card. Especially considering that grades in private schools can be artificially inflated, it is important to observe whether the child is actually participating in the lesson process, expressing their opinion, asking questions, and whether the teacher is encouraging them to think.

If a child sits passively in class for years, no one pays attention to them, good grades are given, and they are constantly praised, but in practice their knowledge and thinking skills do not develop, then one can think about changing the school.

But if the child is dissatisfied because the teacher is forcing them to work with difficult questions, that is a different case.

The way parents praise children was also discussed in the conversation.

According to Qayumov, constantly telling a child "you are the smartest" can also lead to unexpected negative consequences. Because the child later begins to fear losing their status of being "smart."

Faced with a complex task, an internal fear arises: "if I make a mistake, it means I am not smart." As a result, they may avoid difficult tasks, choose the easy way, or try to hide their mistakes.

Therefore, one should praise the process and effort, not the result or innate ability.

"You shouldn't say 'you are the smartest.' Instead, effort should be valued. You should say 'you are the most hardworking,'" says Qayumov.

Qayumov says he studied high-achieving children and their families among his students.

According to his observations, parents of a large portion of such children engaged with them regularly from an early age: read books, had them retell what they read, asked questions, and taught the child to express independent opinions.

He says the same method is used in his own family. Books are read with the child, and then they are asked to retell the content. Questions are asked about whether a character is good or bad, and why they think so.

Qayumov himself was engaged in the same way by his mother in his childhood.

After finishing his homework, he had to recite it to his mother. If he struggled to speak, his mother first ordered him to go in front of the mirror and practice speaking to himself. Then he would come back and recite it to his mother again.

In his opinion, a child's ability to read and understand text, structure and speak their thoughts, and analyze does not appear in one day—this is a skill formed from early childhood.

Qayumov notes that some parents believe that once the child grows up, sending them to a good tutor or an expensive private school will solve the education issue.

"Those who think 'when my child grows up, I will send them to a tutor, send them to a private school, as long as I pay, it's fine' are mistaken," he says.

In his opinion, an "immunity" towards studying must be formed in the child much earlier. If there are habits such as reading, asking questions, reviewing what they did not understand, and not giving up immediately in the face of a difficult task, the child can show good results even if they study in a public school.

Conversely, without these skills, sitting in a private school from morning till night is no guarantee of results.

The high results advertised by educational centers and private schools were also discussed in the conversation.

Qayumov emphasized that claims of "100 percent results" should be treated with caution. For example, there may be 500 students in a center, the strongest 30 of them are selected into a separate group, and the results of this specific group are advertised. The results of the other hundreds of students remain invisible.

Therefore, it is important for parents to look at how exactly their own child is being worked with, rather than at the brand, advertising, or the number of certificates.

Another pressure among parents is the view that a child must enter a university in the very year they graduate from school.

According to the participants of the conversation, if a child lacks necessary skills such as basic knowledge, text comprehension, and independent thinking, trying to get them into university within one year by any means is not correct.

"If they don't enter this year, the sky won't fall. Even if they enter after two years, after three years, they are still young," was the opinion expressed in the conversation.

The important thing is not to get a diploma faster, but to reach a level where they can study at the next stage and compete in their field.

The podcast also emphasized that education does not consist only of teaching chemistry, mathematics, or biology.

Finishing what one starts, not running away from difficulties, admitting mistakes when they are made, not trying to get out of a situation with lies, being able to communicate with people—all of these are skills that later transfer into a person's life.

Qayumov says that the culture of communication has also declined among some of today's students. As soon as a minor inconvenience arises, there is a tendency to change the environment or cut off the relationship instead of talking to the person and solving the problem.

In the conversation, this situation was also explained by the transfer of the social media "block if you don't like it" culture into real life.

Therefore, a parent's task does not end with finding a good school for the child or paying for a tutor. The starting point of education still remains the family.

Reading books with the child, making them speak, asking for their opinion, analyzing mistakes together, not taking them out of difficulties immediately, and valuing their effort do not require large financial resources. But according to the participants of the conversation, these simple actions can later serve as a more important foundation than an expensive private school or a strong tutor.