"I believe my daughters will do any job thoroughly." Interview with the father of the chess-playing sisters

“I trust my daughters to perform any job thoroughly.” Interview with the father of the chess-playing sisters

11 October is celebrated around the world as the International Day of the Girl Child. This date was established in accordance with a resolution adopted by the UN General Assembly in 2011.

On this occasion, a Gazeta correspondent interviewed Alisher Muminov, director of the Sky Chess school in Tashkent, father of international grandmasters Nafisa Muminova and Gulrukhbegim Tokhirjonova, as well as FIDE Master Khulkar Tokhirjonova. He spoke about preparing his children for an independent life, supporting his daughters' journey in chess, and the responsibility of parents towards their children.

I am from Qumbosti. This village is located in Uzbekistan district of Fergana region. From my youth, my parents encouraged me to be knowledgeable. My father was a school principal for many years and wanted me to become a doctor of sciences. After graduating from school with a gold medal, I studied at the former Tashkent Railway Institute. Then I studied at the postgraduate program of the Research Institute of Mechanics and Seismic Resistance of Structures of the Academy of Sciences. However, when my dissertation was ready, a disagreement arose with certain people, meaning they asked me for a specific amount of money. Believing that science cannot be bought, I left the postgraduate program.

After that, another phase of my life began. It was the 1990s, and one had to make a living. Engaging in trade, I decided to spend the funds I saved and gathered on the education and future of my children.

Alisher Muminov.

For me, the main duty of parents is to prepare the child for an independent life. It is not simply about providing them with a home or getting them married, but raising them into a person who thinks independently, chooses their own path, knows what they want and how to achieve it.

In raising my three daughters and my son, I did not consider it right to limit their opportunities based on whether they were a girl or a boy. I never accepted the view that money spent on a girl goes to another family tomorrow. After all, these are my children. What difference does it make which one is a girl and which one is a boy?

There were also disagreements in our family on this matter. Even my close relatives opposed my spending money on my daughters to play chess. Among my relatives, there were those who said: "What is the point of spending so much money on a girl? You will give her away to someone anyway."

I, however, did not turn back from my path.

If you raise a girl well, she can achieve better results than ten boys. Most importantly, one must raise her into an independent person who is capable of doing work and has her own opinion.

In order for a husband and wife to respect each other and speak as equals in a family, it is also important for a person to understand their own worth and capabilities.

I always told my children: "When you turn 20, you must no longer need me." This did not mean distancing from them, but meant that I wanted them to reach a level where they could live an independent life.

In the 1990s, schools in our village did not work well, and teachers were busy with concerns of making a living. Since it was not easy to find a good teacher, I drew up a program myself at home for my children and organized extra lessons.

Allocating a separate room, I brought a piano, a chess table, and a study board there. Inviting the best teachers, I organized lessons in English, mathematics, and other subjects. My daughters also engaged in music and dance. They learned Russian and English, and later mastered other languages as well.

I wanted them to develop comprehensively, not just in one area. One needs to know how to communicate, how to conduct oneself, how to express one's thoughts, and how to talk to people. Such skills open many doors for a person in life.

I also taught my children to read books. I compiled a list of 15 books from Uzbek literature that they needed to read. Among them were works ranging from Uzbek folk tales to science fiction. There were also books from world literature. At first, I read books together with them, and then they began reading independently. Even now, they ask for advice on choosing books. I recommend reading books in a certain order. Abdulla Qahhor has a saying to the effect of: "If I were born again, I would not read the bad books I read." Therefore, I think it is important for a person to spend their time and attention on worthy books.

Even now, if I do not read a book every day, I cannot sleep. A book organizes a person's thoughts and helps to understand other people. The worldview of a person who has read a good book expands. For this reason, I tried to ensure that my children were knowledgeable, thought independently, and looked at the world with a broader view.

I taught the rules of chess moves to all three of my daughters from the age of three or four. But I did not force them to definitely become chess players. They also went to music, dance, and other activities. Chess was one of the directions in their life.

At the end of the 1990s, during the times when I was doing well financially, I organized a football team. We held tournaments, hired a coach for our village team, and paid his salary for a year. Because I had a lot of work, I did not notice at first how interested my daughters had become in chess.

One day, the goalkeeper of our team said he could beat me at chess. I suggested moving pieces at our home. We returned home in the evening. By the time I finished doing my other work, Nafisa and Khulkar had already defeated him. Seeing that, I noticed my daughters' serious interest in chess and decided to pay special attention to this pursuit.

At the end of 1998, the idea was born to take them to a chess club. In February 1999, we went for the first time to the chess school located in the former Hamza Theater building in Kokand. The late Anvar Aliyev mentored there. My daughters took lessons from him for a year.

Later, it became necessary to further enhance their skills. We tried working with various coaches, but I could not find a specialist to my liking.

For me, it was not enough for a coach to just know chess. He had to communicate with children properly, conduct himself worthily, not use bad words, and approach lessons with responsibility.

With his daughter Nafisa Muminova / Photo: Personal archive.

Meanwhile, I read and translated chess books for my daughters. We also studied literature in Russian together. As a result of much reading and research, I myself got into coaching. One day I looked, and I had turned into a coach teaching chess to children.

One day Nafisa said: "Dad, we are going to Tashkent. I want to become a grandmaster." I agreed. We sold one of our shops, took the money, and came to the capital. We used all our capabilities for our daughters' future in chess.

My daughters' path in chess did not always go smoothly. There were also times when they were excluded from the national team. I cannot state the exact reasons for these decisions; the relevant people know this themselves. But even in such situations, I tried to protect my children and fight for them to continue their path in chess.

I do not want to present these difficulties as suffering. If you have a goal in life, you must fight to achieve it. I also fought for my children and my family. I do not intend to complain about anyone. Everyone is responsible for their own work and decisions. I, on the other hand, chose my path and worked along this path to the end.

My daughters' achievements in chess are known to many. But this does not mean I gave less attention to my son. He also engaged in sports from childhood and went to judo. He mastered English and German very well, and was interested in mathematics and computers. He received an education from good mentors in Kokand.

My son graduated from the Tashkent Institute of Finance, then entered Webster University in America. He studied there in the direction of information technology management and graduated with high results. Now he pursues a career in America. He was also a candidate for master of sports in chess and contributed to the establishment of the chess school.

I approached all my children equally. I wanted them to grow up to be knowledgeable, educated people who can distinguish right from wrong and are ready for an independent life. But I left it to them how to live and which path to choose. I do not want to tie their lives to my own dreams.

A parent's desires should not become shackles for a child. Children must have their own dreams, their own goals.

I am proud to have such children. Their achievements bring me joy, but my affection is not dependent solely on their results. What matters to me is their formation as human beings.

The most basic thing in raising a child is to believe in them. If parents do not believe in their child, no matter how good an education they give them, that alone will not be enough. Constantly worrying, "Will they handle it tomorrow, what if something does not work out?", limits the child's potential. I, however, trust that whatever my daughters do, they will do it well, and I support them as much as I can.

Gulrukhbegim Tokhirjonova, Umida Omonova, Guldona Karimova, and Madinabonu Halimova. Photo: Pavel Dvorkovich / FIDE

It is necessary to talk with children, dream together, make good intentions, and discuss ways to achieve those goals. Many people come home tired from work and cannot find the time or strength to converse with their child. But upbringing requires time and energy. Listening to the child, knowing their opinion, and understanding their goals is very important.

Even now, I consider my daughters to be the smartest, best girls in the world.

Of course, not everything in life happens the way a person wants. Something may not work out, or they may face difficulty. But this does not change my trust in them.

My daughters have grown up, each having her own path. Khulkar is the president of the Chess Federation of Central Asian States, and Nafisa is the head coach of the national team of Uzbekistan. I am glad that they are contributing to the development of Uzbek chess.

Despite this, my daughters are still little girls to me. Just as I loved them before, I love them now. Their growing up does not reduce my affection.

In my opinion, relationships in a family should be based on trust. Simple trust alone is not enough; people must be able to trust each other deeply and sincerely. Because I trust my daughters, our relations are also open.

We are friends. My daughters can freely say whatever they want. For example, recently I cooked a steak and took it to my eldest daughter's workplace. Eating a part of it, she asked me to save the rest, saying she might not have time to eat in the evening. Then my second daughter arrived. I offered her food too, but she was called away on urgent business.

In the evening she called and said she wanted to eat steak. I asked her to send a taxi, prepared another steak, added a salad next to it, and sent it. That is how our relations are. They freely tell me what they want, what they need. And I take it naturally.

I also greatly value my daughters' independent thinking. If they come asking for advice, I say my opinion. But I always say: "This is my opinion. If you do it just because of that, it will be a mistake. Think about it yourself, draw the conclusion yourself."

Because even the most correct advice cannot replace a decision made by the person themselves.

Taking my opinion as absolute truth could hinder their development as independent individuals.

I believe in their mind and their ability to think. Feeling this trust gives them strength.

It is natural for misunderstandings to occur in a family. For example, one day I noticed that my son and one of my daughters were looking at each other badly. Calling them both, I put them in one room and told them not to come out until they reached an agreement. I did not try to find out what had happened. They had to talk themselves and solve the problem.

My rule is this: you must not run away from a problem, you must go up to it. It cannot be solved by hiding it or not talking. My children can say any opinion they want about me too. I try to listen to them and accept their thoughts correctly. Disagreements can happen in a family, but it is very important to resolve them by talking, without turning them into a fight or quarrel.

I do not want to tie my children's lives to my own dreams. Every child must have their own dreams and goals. I tried not to create them into the people I wanted, but to give them opportunities. May they be knowledgeable, educated, able to distinguish good from bad, think independently, and choose their own life path—that was my main goal.

Life passes very quickly. In this short life, every person must live freely and breathe fully. We, parents, must not suffocate our children's breath. We have no right to make decisions in their place, saying: "I want it this way, if you do it like this you won't make a mistake, if you do it like that you will make a mistake." No one knows what will happen tomorrow.

I take pleasure in the successes of all four of my children. The better results they achieve, the happier I feel.

However, the main result for me is not just medals, titles, or positions.

It is more important that they have grown up to be independent, smart people who can take responsibility for their own lives.

For me, this is the most important principle in raising my children: to trust them, support them, and allow them to be independent. The rest is their own choice.