'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary?

'I don't know what my partner earns': How soon into dating should you reveal your salary?

You know their favourite restaurant, what happened with their ex and their most embarrassing childhood story. But do you know how much your partner earns?

Money is still one of the more awkward topics in dating. Mention it too early and it can seem as if you are judging their bank balance. Leave it too late, though, and you may be building a future with someone without really understanding their finances.

We spoke with people in their 20s in New York City to find out whether there is an ideal moment to discuss salaries.

Willa Morton, 25, says she does not think couples necessarily need to share their salaries at all.

"It's just a number and you can gauge how much someone makes based on the way they live and how much they spend," she says.

Willa, who works in tech sales, has told her boyfriend that she does not earn very much herself, but she has not asked him for a figure in return.

He is a company founder and, although his income changes, she knows he earns more than she does.

"He's more free-spending whereas I'm always saying, 'That's too expensive, that costs too much, we don't need to spend that.'"

Their dates usually cost about $200 (£150) and he normally pays, while she covers smaller expenses such as coffees.

"It's an unspoken rule that he will pick up the bigger bills."

Vik says if someone brought up salary and spending on a first date they probably wouldn't be the right person for him

For many people, there is a fairly clear point at which salary, spending habits and debt come up, and that is when you become an official couple.

Alexa Ludato, 25, who works in insurance, says she would only have that conversation once things were official.

Before that, she would "like to have an idea of what their job is, but not how much they make".

Her friend, Vik Sunderaj, 22, agrees. "You should only discuss it once you get into a serious relationship."

He thinks asking about salary on the first few dates is "a little crazy".

"If they asked, I would be honest, but I wouldn't bring it up," he says. And if his date really wanted to know his salary, "it probably means they wouldn't be the right person for me".

Others feel even more strongly about being asked too soon. Twenty-six-year-old Bridget Shurdut, who works in sales, says she would find it "incredibly odd" if someone asked about her salary within the first few dates.

"I don't think I'd continue to see that person. I'd answer the question, but it would be a red flag for me."

For her, someone's current salary is not necessarily especially useful information anyway, because she says she is far more interested in "whether someone is ambitious and driven than what they earn monetarily".

Dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield says money conversations "should start much earlier than many people think".

"In the first few dates you should talk about how each of you approaches spending, saving, generosity, lifestyle and financial independence as these things shape compatibility."

Becoming official does not necessarily mean exchanging payslips, though.

Insurance worker Emily Moretta, 26, has been with her boyfriend for two years and says they still have not explicitly told each other their salaries and "he doesn't know how much I make".

She assumes he probably has a rough idea, but says neither of them has ever felt the need to ask.

"Maybe down the line we would, when it gets more serious," she says, adding that they would need to be at the stage of moving in together before talking about it.